Half Full Cup of Heart & Gut

Already considering my next move. I mean, obviously this DUI bullshit, amongst the other trouble I’ve gotten into lately, will keep me here for at least a year.. but after that I don’t feel like this would be a place I’d even want to visit.

I just want to go far away, where I never see the people that know me, again. I mostly only see people I know when I’m at work and they’re passing through, otherwise I’m at home hanging out with myself. I’m just tired of being surrounded by happy, successful people. I find myself growing more and more pessimistic with each of your happy little family/friendship photos. I guess talking to Josh all of the time about his deceased wife doesn’t help.

All three times (yes three) that I’ve been arrested this month have just slowly torn me down to the point of me seeing no way out. One of the three judges I’m up against just keeps coming at me like I murdered Mother fucking Theresa.. it’s just hard to come back from. Calling my mom from jail and her having the same sympathetic reaction every time. It makes it all worse. The person she was before they destroyed her wouldn’t have shrugged this all off.

There’s nothing in this state for me anymore. I don’t want to be a part of your lives. I don’t want to see you better yourself and have families and get jobs and build a life. I want to be alone, far away. I just want to leave and never come back.

My suspended license charge and first arrest take me back to court this next week, making my grand total of days in court 5 for the past two weeks. Luckily these are both just arraignments. I can’t wait to get as far away from here as possible, and never look back.

I always wonder if I did something to deserve this shit, karmically. For real.

It’s amazing that one girl could be so insecure that in order to validate her worth she must destroy everything beautiful around her.

I had to change my phone number yesterday due to such a female. I feel sorry for her really. She’s a shell of a person. She has no presence, and over sexualizes herself to get attention. Anyhow, whenever someone pissed her off she does bat shit crazy things like peeing on said persons belongings, or her personal favorite, posting their pictures and number on Cragslist.

At about 5 pm yesterday, Lisa and I were walking into Taco Bell and I recieved a message from an unknown number reading, “What’s up, Slut”… I just ignored it and went about my business. I picked up my phone a few minutes later and had about 30 texts from different numbers (pictures included) that pretty much clued me in to the fact that she put my info online and advertised me as a transvestite. We had a good laugh, drove a block to Tmobile, and changed my number.

I feel no need to retaliate, let alone mention it outside of this post. Her reputation is punishment enough for her. I’ve been feeling like a shitty person lately over my legal issues and lack of a genuine life, and this experience actually cheered me up. There are people who make shitty decisions, and then there are shitty people.. she is the latter.

escapekit:

Hipster Sculptures

Photographer Léo Caillard has created a series of photographs that has classic sculptures dressed as hipsters. 

(Source: designtaxi.com)