Half Full Cup of Heart & Gut

Two months ago Joey was obsessed with me, and now he’s practically married to another chick.. oh 24 year olds.. so naive ;)

I’m already attached to the idea of living in Brooklyn.

Anddd… I’m working on leaving Atlanta within the year. You’re welcome. Evidently my probabtion can be transfered

Already considering my next move. I mean, obviously this DUI bullshit, amongst the other trouble I’ve gotten into lately, will keep me here for at least a year.. but after that I don’t feel like this would be a place I’d even want to visit.

I just want to go far away, where I never see the people that know me, again. I mostly only see people I know when I’m at work and they’re passing through, otherwise I’m at home hanging out with myself. I’m just tired of being surrounded by happy, successful people. I find myself growing more and more pessimistic with each of your happy little family/friendship photos. I guess talking to Josh all of the time about his deceased wife doesn’t help.

All three times (yes three) that I’ve been arrested this month have just slowly torn me down to the point of me seeing no way out. One of the three judges I’m up against just keeps coming at me like I murdered Mother fucking Theresa.. it’s just hard to come back from. Calling my mom from jail and her having the same sympathetic reaction every time. It makes it all worse. The person she was before they destroyed her wouldn’t have shrugged this all off.

There’s nothing in this state for me anymore. I don’t want to be a part of your lives. I don’t want to see you better yourself and have families and get jobs and build a life. I want to be alone, far away. I just want to leave and never come back.

My suspended license charge and first arrest take me back to court this next week, making my grand total of days in court 5 for the past two weeks. Luckily these are both just arraignments. I can’t wait to get as far away from here as possible, and never look back.

I always wonder if I did something to deserve this shit, karmically. For real.